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depression is real

Depression is real. Almost every person encounters some type of form of depression. Whether it is from a life-changing event, school, a breakup, etc, we all go through it. Some people's may be worst than others, to the point that they need medications. I am here to tell you that some things aren't controllable. Depression is one of them. Personally, I have the medication but I do not take every day just as needed because I refuse to be dependent on the pills.

Growing up in a black household, I was told that depression isn't real. I was taught to give my problems to God and let him take care of everything or just write it out. I wrote it out for so long growing up that by the time I made it to college I stopped writing. It wasn't until last year that I officially got diagnosed with depression. Depression comes and goes as it pleases. This is my third episode of depression during this year. My first one lasted from Sept 2017-March 2018. My second one lasted from Aug 2018-Oct 2018, and now this one. The the first episode was because of my miscarriage. The second one was because I felt stuck and was at a standstill in life and then once Sept rolled back around it was about my miscarriage again. Now this one is because I am at another standstill.

This whole semester I have been trying to keep my head up and making sure that my grades are straight, that my relationship is going steady, that my chapter is going steady, and that Kyy is okay. I realized that I am the backbone for a lot of people including my family, my sorority, some friends, and more. Being that I am their backbone I can't slip up. I can crack, bend, sprain, etc. AS LONG AS I DO NOT BREAK!!! If I brake then I would let everyone down and then that would cause more havoc than needed, in my life. I do understand that I do put a lot on myself but I feel like if I do not get the task that I need to be done by the time frame that I put on them then it will never get done. It is only been 3 weeks into this episode and today it got worst, but I realized that it only was worst because I was making it worst.

I have to learn that not everyone is able to cope and help me when I go into these episodes and that I cannot blame others for not knowing what to do, regardless of how much I think they should know. I am still trying to figure out how to cope with my depression as a whole when it comes other than drinking it away because that doesn't help it just makes me forget my problems and if I drink enough I would forget the reason or reasons why I was upset in the first place.

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